Blazers As Tortured Franchise

It’s OK, Blazer fans, Bill Simmons feels your pain.

In examining the Vikings’ epic loss to the Saints in the NFC Championship Game, the ESPN.com columnist revisits his Levels of Losing and ranks the 15 most tortured franchises in sports. The Blazers come in at No. 13.

People in Portland are irrational about the Blazers much like a single soccer mom would be irrational about her only son. “What do you mean he isn’t starting today, Coach? He’s the best player on the team! YOU JUST DON’T LIKE HIM — THAT’S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT!” They would not handle a Level 1 loss well.

Believe me, he means that as a compliment.

One interesting thing about this list: It really points out how much it would suck to live in Cleveland. I mean, in addition to the fact that you’re living in Cleveland.

Another interesting thing: On the scale of tortured franchises, Portland ranks third among NBA teams. The Knicks are eighth among all sports; the Cavaliers are 10th.