Mysterious apple thrower seeks forgiveness

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U.S. Sen. Patty Murray, D-Wash., is running for her sixth term in Congress, a move that has received the expected deluge of both support and critiques. Surprisingly, though, Vancouver’s mysterious apple thrower will be absent during the election cycle.

In a letter sent to The Columbian this week, the produce-flinging culprit announced their intention to end the scheme for good.

The written acknowledgement read as follows:

“My mother was a Catholic girl who worked as a cocktail waitress. I mention this only because this note is in the form of a confession.

Who am I: Post Haste

What am I: I throw apples on rooftops of supporters of Patty Murray.

I believe that it is wrong to do what I’ve been doing, as I feel badly about it. Also the ruse that I tell myself (is) that I am merely throwing the apples above the houses – it is gravity that                causes them to fall; and this has nothing to do with me. I believe this to be a flimsy excuse.

It is wrong to bother people who merely disagree with me.

I pray forgiveness.”

For years, letters from the sender circulated throughout the city during election time, targeting the supporters of certain political candidates, including Murray and Sen. Jeff Merkley, D-Ore. They were signed “Titania” and, later, “Peaseblossom,” “Cobweb” and “Moth” – characters from A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

In August 2015, notes emerged on people’s doorsteps calling for apple throwers to coalesce; some residents saw it as a property threat, whereas others were just befuddled. A couple of months later, the Vancouver Education Association reported damage to their building.

The enigmatic leader persisted.

Neighborhoods received letters in 2018 that asked Murray supporters to keep their porchlight on during the evening. Households that followed this request would be “contacted.” The author of these notes was the suspected “bad apple.”

Despite the stream of cryptic messages, the individual’s antics remained harmless. Now, it seems like drawn-out escapades are officially ending as the author seeks reconciliation.