Ladies and Gentlemen, it's the Muppet show!
A new Muppet movie will be released this year, and Andrea and I have been so excited we’ve been humming the theme song to the TV show and picturing our sources as Muppets. This involved research and debate, but without further ado here’s your Vancouver City Council and Board of Clark County Commissioners … as Muppets!
First up, the Vancouver City Council:
It’s not easy being green, and oftentimes it’s not easy being the Mayor. Tim Leavitt, like Kermit, is the leader of the Muppet crew… often with mixed results. We’re waiting for him to bust out a banjo and play the “Rainbow Connection.”
Mayor Pro-Tem Larry Smith is the only guy we let choose his own Muppet, as we couldn’t place him. He chose Cookie Monster. I’ve never seen him near baked goods, so I can’t say. But remember Larry: Cookies are a sometimes food.
Oh Bart Hansen, so new to the council, so eager. Just like Scooter, who has to be the gosh-darn perkiest Muppet of all.
Pat Campbell = Swedish Chef. That is all.
Jack Burkman just got cataract surgery, so the glasses are gone. But, there’s still lines to be drawn between him and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, including headshape and being extremely knowledgeable.
Sam the Eagle and Jeanne Stewart both mean business. Like Sam is described on the Muppet Wiki, Stewart has taken it upon herself “to promote and protect wholesome American morals and values.” Sam and Stewart both seem to have little tolerance for the antics of other Muppets.
On Miss Piggy: “Her public face is the soul of feminine charm, but she can instantly fly into a violent rage whenever she thinks she’s insulted or thwarted. Kermit the Frog has learned this all too well; when she isn’t smothering him in kisses, she’s sending him flying through the air with a karate-chop.” I think we all know how this applies to Jeanne Harris (and I love the image of her sending Tim through the air with a karate chop).
And now, introducing the Board of Clark County Commissioners:
We assigned Gonzo to Chairman Tom Mielke, because he’s proud to be the 1 in 2-1 votes. Gonzo, according to our Muppet guide, “takes pride in his uniqueness and enjoys everything that he does — no matter how painful or ill-advised it may be.”
Marc Boldt was given Fozzie Bear, because when Mielke and Steve Stuart start bickering, Boldt always tries to lighten the mood by making a joke. Wocka Wocka Wocka.
For Stuart, we dismissed assigning him any other main Muppet in favor of Captain Link Hogthrob, who commands the Swinetrek with “unbridled machismo.”
And what kind of show would there be without an audience? While the Muppets had Statler and Waldorf, the Vancouver City Council has Larry Patella and Ralph Peabody and the county commissioners have Jack Davis and Chuck Miller.
In the words of Statler and Waldorf:
Why do we always come here / I guess we’ll never know / It’s like a kind of torture / To have to watch the show
And a very special thanks to Linda Lutes in our photo department, who did an inspiring job of finding file pictures of our elected officials to match up with the Muppet photos.