Battle Royale

The nine members of the C-Tran Board of Directors are expected to vote in April on who gets to vote this fall on operations and maintenance funding of light rail and bus rapid transit.

As La Center Mayor Jim Irish correctly noted at the last meeting, it doesn’t matter what he or the other two members who represent small cities think.

The key players are, on one side, Vancouver Mayor Tim Leavitt and Vancouver City Councilors Bart Hansen and Larry Smith.

On the other side, Clark County Commissioners Marc Boldt, Tom Mielke and Steve Stuart.

The city slickers have indicated a preference for a smaller subdistrict, such as the city and its urban growth boundary. The county folks want a districtwide vote, which is everywhere C-Tran operates.

The city slickers and the county folks each have bloc veto power.

We’re sure our electeds would never dream of letting this happen, but does everyone see where this could lead? City slickers say subdistrict; county folks block it. County folks say districtwide; city slickers block it.

And then there’s no vote.

That’s lame. If college football doesn’t allow tie games, C-Tran shouldn’t either.

So allow us to propose a few tie-breakers.

Hot-dog eating contest

The county has a former farmer, a guy who likes to eat at Fatty Patty’s and a guy whose nickname is Big Stu. The city has a guy who lost a taco-eating contest to a high school girl, a guy who once tried a juice fast and a guy who claimed to identify with Cookie Monster – yet we’ve never seen him indulge.

Advantage: County

Arm wrestling

Each side could choose a representative to arm-wrestle the rep from the other side. We think we know who the city would pick.

Advantage: City

Bag some birds

As part of a plan to protect the northern spotted owl, the U.S. Department of Interior will go ahead with plans to shoot the barred owl, which completes with the spotted owl for territory.

Hey, the team that can bag the most barred owls wins. You’d think the county folk would win anything involving firearms, but we hear Bart Hansen knows a thing or two about guns. (Plus he’s the youngest and has the best eyesight.)

Advantage: Toss-up

Do you have a suggestion for a tiebreaker? Post it below. You too, Jeff Hamm.