Better
I want to be better. Please don’t misinterpret that to mean that I’m NOT proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished and I’m NOT grateful for all that I have and all that I am.
I realize in order to be better, I have to give more of myself. I can’t stay in this safe place. I have to push myself out of my comfort zone. I repeat — I have to push myself out of my comfort zone. For me, motivation comes from within. And if I’m honest with myself I can give more. I can do better.
Yesterday, I posted some photos (see above) on Facebook that showed me jogging the hills of Mt.Tabor Park. The photos are of me at my best. Physically, I was in a really good place. I was training to run my first half-marathon. One week later, I was KNOCKED off my axis and hit by a car while walking in a parking lot. I suffered a broken tibia, had surgery to repair it and was left with 14 screws and a metal plate in my leg. I went through months of rehab and physical therapy. It was a very trying time for me. But, I made it through. I successfully rehabbed my fractured leg and did NOT gain one pound. Instead, I LOST 15 pounds the physical therapists and orthopedic doctors said that, that was unheard of. While I was able to successfully rehab my leg and lose weight while doing so. I feel like that accident did thwart my overall progress. It’s been nearly two years now. I don’t feel like I’ve been able to make the physical breakthroughs that I had hoped for. Partly some mental stuff going on (another blog post).
Anyhow, after I posted my photos a few of you made comments — I appreciate you all. My story is an open diary for you all to read. And, I realize sometimes I’m quite contradictory in my comments and my posts. One minute, I’m telling you to … and the next minute I’m ….
I want to be better. And, sometimes I get frustrated with myself. Right now, I’m frustrated with myself. I try not to speak negative thoughts because you know my theory on that, but sometimes I slip up.
I’m proud of and grateful for what I’ve accomplished it’s because of that — not in spite of that, that I know I can be better. Am I too hard on myself? Perhaps. Too honest? Never.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
Chrisetta Mosley
I am a product – and now a survivor – of childhood obesity. As a child, my family always told me that my extra weight was merely baby fat and I’d eventually grow out of it. I never did. Instead, my childhood is filled with memories of not being able to ride a bike, flattening its training wheels from being over the recommended weight, and avoiding P.E. classes by any means necessary. For years, I wore my fatness like a wounded soldier wears a Purple Heart - with pride. I owned the look. I dressed it up. I worked the room. There wasn't a skinny girl who intimidated me. I made sure my hair was laid just right. Nails polished. Outfits coordinated to the tee. Accessories to compliment every outfit. But everyone has a breaking point, and mine came in the spring of 2004 when I tipped the scale at nearly 400 pounds 388 to be exact. I was MISERABLE trapped inside of that body. I no longer wore my Purple Heart with pride. Rather, I was ashamed and frightened. Ashamed that I had allowed food to become my everything – frightened I would die because of it. Drastic times called for drastic measures... Today, I’m bound and determined to live a better, healthier, active lifestyle. I realize I’m no longer a passenger in my life, I’m the driver. I’m overcoming my inhibitions and I’m slowly but surely saying farewell to my old childhood nemesis, obesity. For once and for all, Farewell Fatso!