True Acceptance
170 pounds gone forever. Actually, it’s now 173 pounds, but somehow I still look at myself and think…There’s a lot of work yet to do. I saw a photo of myself taken at my cookbook signing and was surprised to see some back fat. Surely, after losing 173 pounds one would think the back fat would be gone. Humph, not only is it still very visible — I’m still fat. That’s a harsh reality. I’ve come so far, but still 60 – 70 pounds to go. I know, I know…I shouldn’t say negative things, I shouldn’t think negative thoughts. But, as I’ve mentioned before the inner stuff — mental stuff is the hardest battle.
The positive spin: I am no longer weighed down by 388 pounds, I have a considerably less amount of back fat, and I no longer shy away from social activities, quite the opposite. At 388 pounds, I wouldn’t have left the confines of my home to be at such an event as a cookbook signing. And, certainly at 388 pounds it wouldn’t have been my cookbook signing. The positive spin, the internal spin is looking beyond what can be seen on the outside. This is a process of finding myself. Loving myself. Truly accepting myself.
I’m the happiest and most content I’ve ever been in my life, back fat and all. But, I can’t lie to you or myself and say that I don’t look at the outside and wish for a trimmer figure. Perhaps these statements are a little contradictory. I am fat. I am not fat –Thank you. I mentioned before sometimes my thoughts are imbalanced. My blog post are sort of my open diary and you just so happen to be privy to read it. I’m a work in progress in all areas. I don’t want to get hung up on the way I look so much, but again I do have some improvements I want to make. I’m striving everyday to be better and seeking true acceptance of myself.
In the middle of writing this post I had to run off to the dentist. In the waiting area I saw a magazine with this on the cover “Nobody’s perfect. But everybody’s trying!”
Chrisetta Mosley
I am a product – and now a survivor – of childhood obesity. As a child, my family always told me that my extra weight was merely baby fat and I’d eventually grow out of it. I never did. Instead, my childhood is filled with memories of not being able to ride a bike, flattening its training wheels from being over the recommended weight, and avoiding P.E. classes by any means necessary. For years, I wore my fatness like a wounded soldier wears a Purple Heart - with pride. I owned the look. I dressed it up. I worked the room. There wasn't a skinny girl who intimidated me. I made sure my hair was laid just right. Nails polished. Outfits coordinated to the tee. Accessories to compliment every outfit. But everyone has a breaking point, and mine came in the spring of 2004 when I tipped the scale at nearly 400 pounds 388 to be exact. I was MISERABLE trapped inside of that body. I no longer wore my Purple Heart with pride. Rather, I was ashamed and frightened. Ashamed that I had allowed food to become my everything – frightened I would die because of it. Drastic times called for drastic measures... Today, I’m bound and determined to live a better, healthier, active lifestyle. I realize I’m no longer a passenger in my life, I’m the driver. I’m overcoming my inhibitions and I’m slowly but surely saying farewell to my old childhood nemesis, obesity. For once and for all, Farewell Fatso!