170 pounds gone forever. Actually, it’s now 173 pounds, but somehow I still look at myself and think…There’s a lot of work yet to do. I saw a photo of myself taken at my cookbook signing and was surprised to see some back fat. Surely, after losing 173 pounds one would think the back fat would be gone. Humph, not only is it still very visible — I’m still fat. That’s a harsh reality. I’ve come so far, but still 60 – 70 pounds to go. I know, I know…I shouldn’t say negative things, I shouldn’t think negative thoughts. But, as I’ve mentioned before the inner stuff — mental stuff is the hardest battle.
The positive spin: I am no longer weighed down by 388 pounds, I have a considerably less amount of back fat, and I no longer shy away from social activities, quite the opposite. At 388 pounds, I wouldn’t have left the confines of my home to be at such an event as a cookbook signing. And, certainly at 388 pounds it wouldn’t have been my cookbook signing. The positive spin, the internal spin is looking beyond what can be seen on the outside. This is a process of finding myself. Loving myself. Truly accepting myself.
I’m the happiest and most content I’ve ever been in my life, back fat and all. But, I can’t lie to you or myself and say that I don’t look at the outside and wish for a trimmer figure. Perhaps these statements are a little contradictory. I am fat. I am not fat –Thank you. I mentioned before sometimes my thoughts are imbalanced. My blog post are sort of my open diary and you just so happen to be privy to read it. I’m a work in progress in all areas. I don’t want to get hung up on the way I look so much, but again I do have some improvements I want to make. I’m striving everyday to be better and seeking true acceptance of myself.
In the middle of writing this post I had to run off to the dentist. In the waiting area I saw a magazine with this on the cover “Nobody’s perfect. But everybody’s trying!”