We’d like to dedicate a song …

During the State of the County address in February, I zoned out while Commissioner Steve Stuart was introducing Chairman Marc Boldt. Stuart started off by talking about Boldt’s early years as a Clark County farmer, and I thought, “If I was directing this show, I would cut Big Stu’s speech and just have Commissioner Boldt walk out in his work uniform of suit and cowboy boots with the song, “I Was Country When Country Wasn’t Cool,” playing over the speakers.

Every politician needs a theme song, right?

Without further ado, here are our choices for theme songs for the county commissioners and Vancouver City Council. And keep in mind we are going mostly by title – don’t read too much into the lyrics.

Commissioner Marc Boldt: “I Was Country When Country Wasn’t Cool”

This Barbara Mandrell classic suits Boldt, with lines such as, I still act / and look the same / what you see ain’t nothing new / I was country / when country wasn’t cool

Commissioner Tom Mielke: “King of the Road”

Calm down. I’m not calling Mielke a train-hoppin’ hobo. But he used to own a trucking company, he owns like nine vehicles, he loves wide streets and gets frustrated when he can’t make a left-hand turn whenever he darn well pleases. So he gets this Roger Miller tune.

Commissioner Steve Stuart: “We’re Not Gonna Take It”

Since the county is currently battling the state over stormwater regulations and the feds over the Cowlitz casino decision, one commissioner had to have an angry anthem. I’m picturing Big Stu bursting through the doors at a Washington Pollution Control board hearing, interrupting a county attorney while she’s making a case against additional stormwater requirements and Dee Snider-sneering his way through Twisted Sister’s song to the board members.
Oh you’re so condescending / Your goal is never-ending / We don’t want nothin’ / not a thing from you

And now I’m turning over the mic to maven Andrea Damewood.

The seven city councilors get their own miniature playlist … and I’m not going to lie, I think I’m totally going to do this on my Mac when I get home.

Mayor Tim Leavitt:You’re So Vain

Carly Simon was right: You probably think this blog is about you. “I’m too Sexy” was another option (see: shirt removal episodes), but we were afraid you’d take it as a compliment.

Councilor Jeanne Harris: “Sabotage”

Listen all y’all, the Beastie Boys know she planned it because she can’t stand it. And like the epic music video, Harris has also provided some great footage.

Councilor Jeanne Stewart: “Go Your Own Way”

Stewart tends to be the one on the council who best embodies the idea of this Fleetwood Mac song — she’s usually taking a different track than the rest. Not sure how one of our council’s more conservative members will feel having a song by a band known for providing Bill “Bubba” Clinton with his 1992 anthem. Oh well, we’ll belt this one out at karaoke for you.

Councilor Larry Smith: “Stars and Stripes Forever”

As a veteran, Smith best embodies a John Phillip Sousa march. Peppy, patriotic, upbeat.

Councilor Jack Burkman: “She Blinded Me With Science”

Sometimes he can also lull us to sleep with his facts. Burkman’s the smartest guy on the Vancouver City Council, and he is also Dr. Bunsen Honeydew. So this Thomas Dolby ’80s number fits the bill.

Councilor Bart Hansen: “I Want It That Way”

We’re letting Hansen graduate from Boy Scout to Backstreet Boy. This song, we’d imagine, is Hansen’s love song to the Vancouver Firefighter’s Union: You are my fire / my one desire. Feel free to steal it for your 2015 campaign, bro.

Councilor Bill Turlay: “Highway to the Danger Zone”

Turlay, a former Navy fighter pilot, gets this Kenny Loggins number best associated with Top Gun. Because just like Tom Cruise, Turlay’s said some crazy stuff, like when he told the Metro Policy Advisory Committee that global warming doesn’t exist. And that as a former fighter pilot he worked “where weather is made,” and “weather, over a period of time, is climate, so I think I have a pretty good idea how climate works.”

Mavens out.

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